You've got a nice art style going here and the story seems promising, but as annimatic pointed out, there are some grammatical issues happening here, and I can take a surefire guess it's just from translating the series from one language to English? In which case, I'd suggest just studying up on English grammar a bit or finding someone who can translate to a cleaner text u w u
Other than that, great job so far! Everything else seems great :3