YAY! Hello! Welcome to Tapastic community~ Please feel free to contribute to our growing community.
I'm super-impressed with the drawings and expressions. So many positives with this series. Waiting for the story and characters to develop more, and really looking forward to it. Good start~
Specifically, I personally feel there are a lot hyphens that break the dialogue flow. I think @michaelson can help with story flow, in general. Honestly, as interesting as the story is, it take some effort to understand what is happening exactly. Maybe all the story pieces will come together in later chapters, but Chapter 1 alone has a lot going on.
Also at Tapastic, we've been trying to encourage mobile-format / vertical scroll style although we don't enforce it. Have you checked out comico.jp? Just met the reps there last week in Korea and scroll style is becoming the norm in Japan now, so I highly recommend trying it out. It really helps improve the story flow.