I write a big (lgbtqa+) romance comic here on Tapastic. Wich is why I often look at what's popular in that category what happens to be mostly BL right now. And it's true that it is not fair to group all BL together and say it's bad, It has a reputation. That reputation might not be your of own doing, or you agree with as a BL creator. Most of these comics follow a similar format. (The Icon with 2 guys in specific poses and the BL sign, the story structure and the (power) dynamic between characters) And as a BL creator you should be aware of that and not get too upset when people see your comic that way without reading more then 1 page. Just like I have to accept that a lot of people will group my comic with rom-coms that don't have any plot or easy to write stories.
BL is a good clickbait in itself. There's a lot of comics with poor story structure or art that doesn't match up in quality with other popular comics in other genre's, that are insanely popular. (you often see this reflect in views to sub ratio though) A lot of people click on it because it's BL and not because the summary of the story or the art. (Wich is just a smart way of advertising really.) And that's what creates the idea of BL being a "fantasy" or even a "fetish" to outsiders of the "genre". Wich I think is a legit point though.
There's plenty of BL comics that feature abuse in their stories. Wich is fine but where it starts to go wrong is when you normalize it. Abuse is bad, physically or mentally and should be portrayed that way. Not as something sexy or exiting. It's true that straight "romances" feature this a lot too. And just because it's more normalized by mainstream media doesn't mean it's ok for you to do it as well just because "they get to do it". The fact that popular media uses it for straight romances is just because mainstream media is still homophobic in itself. Not to mention that there are a LOT of people (mostly women) protesting it. (HECK a super sexual comic is totally fine too! as long as the relationship portrayed is healthy (and is within site guidelines))
This is also where the "BL is bad just because it's made by women for women" comes into play. Saying somethings bad just because it's aimed at a specific gender is sexist in itself and ridiculous. And any person should be able to write about people that are different from them. (as long as they are respectful).
HOWEVER. Because it's mostly women creating and reading these stories it can create a disconnect between reader and character. It can be harder to place yourself in the characters position. There's a lot of questionable power dynamics going on in BL comics. This is where you check, "if one of the characters was female would I still be ok with it?" question. Or even "If this happened in real life to myself or someone else would it be ok or would I call the cops on that guy?"
Gay guys (and lgbtqa+ people in general ) are real people so you should treat them as such and not as objects of (sexual) imagination. Fictional or not. Because the "BL fantasy" can hurt real life lgbt people in the long run just as mainstream media hurts women and poc (and lgbt).
In short: Take responsibility for your own comic and support other people's comics that treat people in a respectful way. Don't get offended by critique but learn from it. Especially if it's coming from a big group like the discussions in these forums because most of the time there's a legit reason to be concerned and give critique.
BL has the potential to make a positive impact on lgbt media (there's a fair share of really good ones!) but we all have to make a conscious effort to push it that way. Because honestly it's far from being that right now.